Are you a leader others want to follow? This can be a difficult question to answer about yourself. Likely you will fall into one of two arenas—giving yourself too much credit or critiquing yourself too harshly.

Rather than asking yourself if you are a leader that others want to follow, consider the following questions to ask trusted individuals around you. If you are truly open to hearing their thoughts and not defending yourself or getting too big of an ego, then you will find yourself closer to being a leader others will follow.

Questions to ask a trusted leader

1. What is it like having me as a spouse/friend/employee?
2. Is there anything about my attitude and behaviors you wish you could change but have been afraid to bring up?
3. If I was suddenly no longer able to fulfill my duties in this role, what kind of different attributes would you look for in my replacement?
4. What qualities about me do you hope others will pick up and emulate?
5. What qualities about me do you hope won’t rub off on others?
6. Can you tell me about a time when you have seen me meet and/or exceed your expectations?

Recently I asked my teenage son one of the above questions as a way to help gauge my impact on his life. (Talk about throwing yourself to the wolves!) Though it was likely just as uncomfortable for him as it was for me, it allowed us to begin a dialog about this particular area of my behavior around his friends that was embarrassing for him. My ability to listen and focus on making a change in ME is making an impact on HIM.

Listening to answers is only the start

I admire anyone who is brave enough to ask these questions of themselves and to elicit responses from those who will answer candidly. But listening without defending yourself is only the beginning.

To truly take steps forward, you need to listen to a variety of people share their responses, look for themes of areas of weakness, and then create a plan to address those areas.

Becoming a leader others want to follow

The courage it takes to go through this exercise speaks volumes. Regardless of the outcome of those conversations, I believe you’ll find people will admire the bravery it took to listen and focus on changing your behavior rather than changing those around you.

And that is the kind of leader that others will want to follow.